the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
