Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize