Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
