if you like me you must not know who I am
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
