I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
