look no pants
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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