And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
