Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
