At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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