I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize