So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
