Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
