do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
