You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
