id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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