She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
