Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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