I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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