mondays should just be called national damage control day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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