I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is Oprah even human
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
