so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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