lets start a swedish sibling band together
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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