That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
