I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
