Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
