omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it hurts more in the daytime
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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