So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
