I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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