So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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