If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
