took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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