20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
