i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
