I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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