Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
