it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
