I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The best revenge is premature balding
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
