Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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