wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
