I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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