Yo dont text me then not text me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
last night I used snow as a chaser
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
