Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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