weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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