I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
