So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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