the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
