I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
