Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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