That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
