Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
