Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
