do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
