census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
