Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
