Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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