Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
