Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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