My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
