best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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