Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
