drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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