so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
