Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
