Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
