Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize