I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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