i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
