Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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