so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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