update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
